It’s a great week for haters of zombies. Netflix canceled Santa Clarita Diet after three seasons and accused zombie Pete Davidson has lost out on the true love of his life.
Page Six is reporting that after a few months, the undying love of “Peckinsale” is over! Does this mean the shelf life of Pete’s wonder penis is decreasing? He better sprinkle some more MSG down his pants before he locks the next random hottie of his dreams in his intense sights. But good news for us, this might be the last post about these two (no promises).
It seems like only three days ago – ok, it was three days ago – that we were reporting trouble in Pete-erdise, as sources said that Pete and Kate Beckinsale had decided to “slow things down a bit.” We all know that Hollywood usually has two speeds after the Random Couple Generator barfs out its offerings: surprise quickie wedding (followed by not surprising messy divorce– I’m looking at you, Nicolas Cage) or public crash and burn! Kate and Pete were probably trying to get out of the crash and burn part by pre-announcing their split so that this devastating blow didn’t wreak havoc on the public’s tender mental state regarding our preoccupation with their timeless love story.
Page Six says the reason for the split was likely the amount of attention Kate was getting over the relationship. Insert eye-roll.
One insider said that while the age difference wasn’t a problem for the pair, Davidson’s public lifestyle was.
“Even though Kate has been in Hollywood for a long time, she struggled with the attention on her relationship with Pete. He lives his life with his heart on his sleeve.”
For Kate’s part, there has been no public acknowledgement of her split from Pete, although mysteriously, a few days ago, she did post a highlights of her appearance in People’s new “The Beautiful Issue“, which shows her talking about her beautiful shaved pussy. I’m talking about her cat! Her cat had cancer and she had to shave it.
Kate talking about her love for her cats I can’t help but read into as a “I don’t need a man when I have my beautiful pussies” message directly aimed at Pete, but I’ll let you be the judge:
Saturday Night Live is off until May 4, so that gives Pete and the writers enough time to come up with his statement about this second biggest split of the century (the first being his split with Ariana Grande) for Weekend Update. I do look forward to finding out how many times the words “cougar“, “10 inch penis” and “my bad” come up. Enough times to hold a drinking game? Probably!
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