DEAR DEIDRE: MY fiancée cheated on me then said we need to go on a break and to give her time. Time to do what – sleep around?
We’ve been together for two years. I am 20 and she is 17. We had an amazing relationship up until three months ago. I started a new job in a 24-hour supermarket which often meant working unsocial hours, including weekends. This put a strain on us.
Because I wasn’t around she started going to the pub every night with a mate of mine and a few other lads, ones I did not know very well.
She ended up sleeping with one of the other lads. I found out a few days later because this lad’s girlfriend told me.
I confronted my fiancée and she denied it. I just knew it was true so I kept on asking her. I finally got it out of her a month later. That absolutely killed me but I love her more than anything. I would do anything for her.
I really wanted to make our relationship work. Things were looking up but I could not trust her as much as before.
Last week she said she needs space. My heart sank instantly and I could not work out why. I begged and pleaded with her not to do this but there was no stopping her. Now she is out every night in the pub again with one of her own friends.
I know this girl and she lives the single life, drinking and sleeping around. She is toxic.
I keep asking my fiancée if she wants to be with me and she says it is possible but I need to give her time. I keep wondering if she wants to think it over or to have the time to have sex with yet more lads.
It feels like she does not want to be with me but she doesn’t want to have to live without me either.
SEVENTY per cent of couples argue about money – more than about household chores, togetherness, sex or snoring.
My leaflet on Family Finances explains how to sort them out fairly and save a lot of rows. Email me at [email protected] private message me on Facebook for a copy.
DEIDRE SAYS: You got together when you were both very young – your girlfriend especially – and our feelings often change as we go through our teenage years.
It is never easy to accept the end of a relationship, especially when the break is one-sided, but you deserve to know where you stand. Hanging around and feeling unhappy would be more painful than accepting the split and getting over her.
Tell her that you will give her two weeks to decide whether she wants to be with you or not. If she doesn’t, you will move on.
Being firm and clear is more likely to make her respect you.
You cannot change how she feels but you can change the way you are handling the split.
Get out with your other friends, widen your social life and keep yourself busy. Whenever you find yourself dwelling on the break-up, phone a friend or get up and do something you need to focus on.
My e-leaflet on Mending A Broken Heart will help you start to move on.
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