It’s one of the great mysteries of digital dating. One minute, you and your match are engaged in an enthralling convo with the kind of back-and-forth banter that suggests undeniable chemistry. There are no shortage of flirty comments, thoughtful questions, and LOL-worthy exchanges. Then, just like that — there’s radio silence. Why do conversations die so quickly on dating apps? And is there anything you can do about it? According to online dating expert and digital matchmaker Julie Spira, there are actually tactics you can try to keep the conversation flowing freely.
“Dating apps have a digital lightning speed to aspect to them,” she tells Elite Daily. “The main reason is, there are only so many matches you can communicate with at a time. Your brain can only keep up with three to five, and if the conversations start to wane, or you’re not making plans to meet IRL, it’s easy to lose interest when a new batch arrives.”
So, what should you do to prevent your convo from fizzling? For one, don’t rely on your match to do all the work. A little effort goes a long way, and by putting some thought into your responses, you’re more likely to maintain momentum while getting to know each other better. Searching for some specific guidance? Here are Spira’s top tips for success.
Turn on your push notifications.
Checking your dating apps multiple times a day to see if that cutie has responded can be — in a word — exhausting. And when things get hectic at work, there’s a chance you won’t think to open your apps, meaning you may miss your match’s responses and let things fizzle out. That’s why Spira recommends setting your push notifications, so that you’ll get alerted when your crush sends you a message.
“If they’re in a chatting mode, then seize the opportunity to respond quickly,” she advises. “If you remember that someone is chatting with multiple people, make sure their phone is blasting with fun and flirty responses from you to keep the momentum going.”
Ask lots of open-ended questions.
If your conversation seems to have reached a dead end, the best way to revive it is by asking thought-provoking, open-ended questions. Avoid “yes or no” questions, which can quickly bring a convo back to a screeching halt.
“For instance, if you know they’re going to a concert, ask ‘How was the show last night?’ and then follow up with, ‘What was your favorite song?’” says Spira.
These kinds of questions not only keep the messages flowing but also demonstrate that you’re genuinely interested in learning more about them.
Flatter the heck out of them.
As the saying goes — flattery will get you everywhere. So don’t be shy about laying on the compliments when you want to spice things up. They’ll make your match feel good, which in turn, may make them more responsive to your messages, according to Spira. Something as simple as “You have a killer smile,” or “I love the quote in your profile, you obviously have good taste in music!” will likely give them a boost, and may just inspire them to send a compliment your way in return. Another tip from Spira is to use your match’s first name.
“When you use someone’s first name and add yours, it personalizes your string of messages, and lessens the confusion if someone is chatting with multiple people,” she explains.
Using someone’s first name in your messages reinforces your interest, which in turn, may make them more interested in keeping the conversation going with you.
Request some pics.
Don’t be shy about asking for more photos, whether your match has one or five in their profile. In fact, this is one of Spira’s number one tips for clients.
“If you know your date is going to a tennis tournament or going on a hike, have them send you a photo,” she tells Elite Daily. “Compliment them on their photo quickly to keep the conversation flowing.”
This is a smart strategy for several reasons. Obviously, receiving additional photos from your match can give you an increasingly clearer picture of their personality and their lifestyle. Also, it presents additional conversation starters. Photos are packed with little details for you to comment on and ask about to keep the conversation flowing. Don’t forget to reward your match and send a pic in return — that’s yet another way to maintain momentum.
Swap those digits.
Once you’ve been chatting on your dating app for a few days, Spira says it’s time to take the plunge and exchange phone numbers. It’s a lot easier and more convenient to keep a conversation going over text.
“If you feel safer hearing their voice before meeting, schedule a phone date, and keep it short,” she says.
By taking your convo offline, you can evaluate whether you have enough chemistry to keep a conversation going outside of the app.
From there, Spira recommends setting up a date ASAP.
“The biggest reason a conversation fades is that you don’t have a gameplan to meet,” she adds. “Dating on an app isn’t about finding a digital pen pal. it’s about meeting in person to see if you have chemistry or enough in common.”
Spira recommends meeting within a week of matching and chatting on an app to see whether you have a real connection — or the potential for one.
If you feel a conversation starting to fizzle, don’t fret: It doesn’t necessarily mean you and your match are lacking in chemistry or compatibility, it means you probably just need to put in a little effort. Keep these tips in your back pocket in order to keep the momentum going, and remember: The best way to have a conversation is in person. So once you’ve established some mutual interest and you feel comfortable, go ahead and schedule that first date to see if the sparks can continue flying IRL.
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