Sun writers on the pleasure and pain of losing their virginity which range from the sublime to the ridiculous

For Deidre Sanders, losing her virginity meant pregnancy, anguish and a chain of events that changed her life and led to a near-40-year career helping readers with their problems.

Today, for the first time, she tells the dramatic story of her first experience of sex.

And as a new study shows 31 per cent of people regret how they lost their virginity, four other Sun writers also share their first-time experiences, which range from the sublime to the ridiculous.

'I learned a lot and it led me to job I do today'

I HATE the phrase “losing your virginity” as if you are somehow of less value than you were before you had your first major sexual experience.

I first had intercourse with a guy I met towards the end of my first year at university.

We fell for one another hook, line and sinker and both thought we had found “The One”.

He had been engaged and had lots of sexual experience, though it turned out he wasn’t as knowledgeable as he thought.

The first time hurt and he said it would get better – right – but he said he knew what he was doing when he didn’t use a condom – very wrong.

He tried to do the gentlemanly thing and pull out in time but I was pregnant by the end of term – either down to that first time or one of the times that followed shortly after.

This was a few years before the Abortion Act was passed so when I knew I was pregnant I spent the start of the summer vacation drinking gin and jumping down flights of stairs to try to bring on a period.

Unsurprisingly, that didn’t work. So then I told my parents and they arranged for me to go into a mother-and-baby home and have the baby adopted.

But as the weeks passed, I decided I couldn’t bear to give up my baby and would somehow complete my degree as an “unmarried mother”, as they were then called.

Then I had a miscarriage – quite naturally but very scary.

I’m not sure it helped when a nurse in the hospital told me “the baby was perfect”.

So all in all, that was a searing experience for me.

That boy and I broke up, and I had boyfriends but didn’t have sex again for nearly 18 months.
But I did learn a lot. And I’m sure the summer of ’64 is part of the reason why I do the job I do today.

'One of the greatest gifts life's given me'

By Tony Parsons, columnist

FINALLY I had found something that I liked more than music and football.

Losing my virginity was about as innocent as sex ever gets. I was a 17-year-old virgin who lost his virginity with a 16-year-old virgin. She – that incredible, beautiful girl – was my first girlfriend.

I was her first boyfriend.

We had no doubt that we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. I was mad about the girl.

Even now, I can remember that feeling. Because we were going to spend our lives together the sex felt as natural as a pair of puppies playing on a shag carpet.

My parents were out for the evening. And if the deed was not expertly done – we felt like the only young people in the Seventies who did not have an O-level in recreational rutting – it was passionate, tender and beautiful.

And it was also the best feeling in the world.

That was when I realized that an orgasm is like a pizza – even a bad one, even the worst one in the world, is still pretty damn good. And this one was one of the best ever.

At the moment of release, I shouted “I love you!” and her name. What I really meant was – thank you.

To lose my virginity to a beautiful, special girl who was one in a million – and for her to lose her virginity to me – was one of the greatest gifts that life has given me.

We went our separate ways at the end of our teens.
But I will remember that first time on my dying day.

'Joy, then I felt a searing pain'

By Toby Young, contributor

I LOST my virginity at the age of 17 to a slightly older girl – she would have been 19 or 20.

She was a friend of my best mate’s girlfriend and we all went out on a double date. We had a lot to drink and I ended up leading her into this barn.

I remember being surprised when I realised she’d go all the way. But my elation quickly turned to disappointment when I tried to perform the act.

It was an absolute disaster. I felt this searing pain and was unable to continue. In fact, I was convinced I’d suffered irreparable damage.

My companion said: “I know your problem. First troop.” She’d obviously taken so many men’s virginity she had a slang term to describe having sex for the first time.

Do I regret losing my virginity to this girl? Yes.

Then I started going out with a girl called Marianne I knew from school and learned that sex within a loving relationship is far more rewarding.
It’s one of the reasons I’ve been happily married for 17 years.

'Hooray for sexy Fabian'

By Tinderella, Fab Daily columnist

I STILL haven’t decided when I lost my virginity. Is it the moment you first attempt intercourse – even if he stops, scared of your screeching? Or is it when you first have sex to, er, completion?

A lot rests on this. It’s the difference between Russell from Birmingham in a tent and a seriously hot Argentinian called Fabian. Also in a tent.

I met Russell on a Cornish beach after A-levels and got drunk on cider.

We took our clothes off and snuggled into his sleeping bag, kissing.

I finally felt ready but my body disagreed. My God it hurt. A shooting pinch that turned all my “yeses” to STOP!!!!!

Poor Russell, he was very good about it. If anything I was left feeling a bit cheated.

So hooray for Fabian, the sexy Argentinian I met camping in the mountains seven months later.

We started flirting over beers. Just before dawn he climbed into my sleeping bag, silently hitched my leg around his hip and we did it.
This time it hurt less but I don’t remember anything in the ballpark of an orgasm. It’s a good job you don’t have to rely on a partner for that.

'Magic happened to music by Blink-182'

By Alix Fox, sex expert

I LOST my virginity when I was 16, on the most vile sofa-bed known to man. Mum sold it not long after I’d done the deed on it.

I remember watching the guy she’d flogged it to struggling to heave it into his van, not knowing he had a piece of my personal history awkwardly rammed in his Transit.

Thankfully, the sex itself didn’t involve any awkward ramming. I am extremely lucky that, for me, the first time was painless, pleasurable and with someone I loved.

Me boyfriend and I were an odd couple. He was the star on the Sixth Form rugby team, had a clean-cut image and was universally lusted after, whereas I was a swot with flamingo-pink hair who liked to wear spiked dog collars. Yet we adored each other.

I decided I was going to sleep with him just before he headed away on a rugby tour. I’d already been to the family planning centre to get the Pill and a striped paper sweetie bag of condoms.

I’d arranged for him to come over on an evening when my family were out of the house and I’d spent a long time shaving my bits into a slightly wonky love heart.

That night the magic happened, to a romantic soundtrack of Green Day, The Offspring and Blink-182.
I was on top – in control and empowered, gazing into the eyes of my first true love.
Some try to shame girls, saying they become “impure” when they lose their virginity, but it was one of the purest experiences of my life.

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