How I Do It: The single woman in an on-and-off relationship who misses sex

Welcome to How I Do It –’s new sex series.

Every week, we’ll get a sneak peek into seven days of the most private parts of a person’s life. In other words: what they get up to in the bedroom (or indeed outside of the bedroom).

More so than just being about sex, this series will explore what makes people tick, what affects their sex drive, relationships, and all the other things that make up our love and sex lives.

We’ll dive into every kind of sexuality and gender, hearing from LGBTQ+ communities, the fetish and polyamory world, people who have sex constantly, people who never have sex – and everything in-between.

First up, we have Sharon*, a single woman who has been spending lockdown rekindling an on-again, off-again fling with a man.

But enough from us – let’s get to the juicy stuff.


Before lockdown, I had an on-again, off-again relationship with a man I met through friends.

There’s huge amounts of chemistry but we don’t work as a couple, so we spent a lot of time having great sex, trying to date, getting annoyed at one another, then just having sex again.

Weeks ago, at the height of the pandemic, he asked if he could move in with me. I could see the benefits for him – home-cooked meals, sex on tap, an escape from his housemates.

But I knew that after even a few days we’d have driven each other up the wall.

He’s very attractive but old-fashioned. He doesn’t do housework, he can’t cook and we have different pastimes. I like my space and I could see myself turning into a frustrated, nagging girlfriend within weeks.

I felt the fact that he’d even ask me indicated a lack of respect and a lack of concern for my health.

It’s funny really. Before lockdown I sometimes bought into that nonsense women get fed about the absolute horror of dying unloved and alone. But the more time I spend alone, the more I find I’m enjoying my own company.


I watch a cheesy rom-com. Watching people kissing on TV and in films is weird now.

The idea of kissing on a first date is unthinkable. I wonder if more people will go back to their exes because they feel safer? 


The guy messages me a terrible joke and that he ‘really needs a shag’. He’s quite convinced that men can’t just give up sex. I don’t know how he thinks monks manage.

He’s very attractive, and pre-pandemic never struggled to meet women or have sex.

It’s also interesting to me how anti-masturbation he claims to be. I’ve always assumed this was a thing men did all the time. 

I never thought I’d conform to the girly stereotype of wanting hugs but, in fact, living alone and having had no physical human contact, sexual or otherwise, for three months has been hard.

I can live without the sex but I really miss the greeting hugs, the goodbye hugs, the supportive hugs.

A friend died of coronavirus recently and it would have been nice to have a hug from friends, family or even the guy I’m seeing. It would also be nice to have a hug after a particularly stressful day (aka all days at the moment).

Instead I’m taking a lot of baths and wrapping myself in soft blankets. 


People are talking about going out for coffee, drinks and dinner on. This doesn’t interest me.

The idea of socialising with drunk, sexually frustrated men (and women) who, as they get more drunk, forget the two-metre rule is actually quite scary to me. I’d rather stay home until Christmas, if the virus hasn’t spiked again then. 

Guy texts me asking if he can have sex with my breasts. I tell him I don’t see how he can do that from two metres away.


I spend half the day having sex day dreams, but when the guy messages me I still tell him not to come round.

I’m seeing elderly relatives tomorrow so I definitely can’t risk picking up a deadly virus from him now.


I chat to a friend about my relationship with the guy.

She doesn’t like him, thinks he’s using me for sex and that I could do better. I always felt I was using him as much as he used me, just until I met someone better. 

I see my family and it’s great. They have no idea about the relationship I have with the guy – there’s no point me trying to explain it to them, because it’s not serious.

Although they have asked if I’m gay because I’m not married yet (I have also told them many times I have no interest in marriage or children). 


I definitely use sex to destress and this week has been very stressful with work, family drama and the global pandemic.

Not being able to have it, or the regular (normal) massages I used to have is definitely hard.

I spend most of the morning masturbating to the messages the guy has sent me and memories of what we used to do.

I might see him tonight, then isolate from my family for 14 days if I think I have coronavirus symptoms.

I miss sex and I miss being held. I don’t think couples understand how difficult the past few months have been for single people – or people not in traditional monogamous relationships.

How I Do It

In’s How I Do It you get a sneak peek into a week of a person’s sex and love life – from vanilla love-making to fetishes, threesomes and polyamorous relationships, they reveal it all.

Fancy taking part yourself? Email for more information.

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