I don't mind my partner's wild past – but why is she still on swinging sites? | The Sun

DEAR DEIDRE: I DON’T have a problem with my fiancée’s adventurous past, but I have discovered she has kept her profile on swinging sites.

When I met her she explained that she used to be a swinger.

I accepted this but told her I had no interest in that sort of lifestyle and wouldn’t want to be with anyone who did.

She seemed to accept this and nothing more was said about it.

I am 35, she is 34 and we have been together for two years.

She’s an amazing person who always sees the good in people.

A couple of months ago, a friend of mine spotted her on a swinging website and he told me.

I looked and was upset to see her account had been active recently.

We had a blazing row and she said she just looks at the forums to see what’s happening.

Last week I asked her if she still had the account.

She said she does, but it’s hidden, nobody can see it.

But when I asked why she still has it, she couldn’t offer an explanation.

As we are planning our wedding, I feel there should be no reason to be on this kind of site, regardless of whether her profile is hidden or not.

This has unsettled me, mainly because we are open and honest with each other.

But when it comes to this website and her continuing interest, she is anything but honest.

I’ve asked her how she could take part in all of that illicit excitement and then go back to one man and ever hope to be satisfied.

I even asked her if I was enough for her.

She just said it was in her past and she was completely happy with me.

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Am I in the wrong to ask her to delete this?

I am considering telling her that if she doesn’t, the wedding is off.

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DEIDRE SAYS: I’m sorry to say, but your relationship with your fiancée is not what you thought it was.

This can’t just be swept aside and forgotten.

Your fiancée has been a swinger and as she is still dabbling with the websites, she clearly enjoys being part of the scene, even if that means simply viewing and not being involved.

It’s important to accept you can’t funda­men­tally change someone’s sexual tastes.

Talk to her again. Potentially, you might discover she can’t live her life without connecting to other people sexually.

Don’t marry her while this is hanging over you.

Find a moment to explain that you are seriously worried about your relationship and that she needs to be honest with you.


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I’m having hot sex with my married colleague – but I’m also engaged

Relate runs courses for couples who may have issues to work through before their wedding. See relate.org.uk.

My support pack on swinging will help too.

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