I found my wife's pregnancy test – but it's not mine as we don't have sex

DEAR DEIDRE: I FOUND a positive pregnancy test in the bathroom bin – but I know the baby can’t be mine.

I’m gutted.


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My partner and I haven’t had full sex for six months because I have problems keeping my erection.

I’m 35 and she’s 32. We’ve been together for six years and have a daughter, aged four.

I love my partner deeply and had no inkling that she had been unfaithful to me, or that she wasn’t happy.

She told me not to worry about my arousal problem, promising we would sort it together.

But now I know that was just words. In reality, she must have been cheating with another man.

She had talked about wanting another baby but, obviously, that became impossible when we stopped having intercourse.

I found the test at the bottom of the bin, wrapped in toilet roll.

I would never have seen it if I hadn’t emptied the bin, but it fell out onto the floor.

I felt sick. It was like my heart was being ripped out of my chest.

I haven’t said anything to my partner yet. I have no idea how far gone she is — or what she’s planning to do.

The test is definitely hers though, as I overheard her talking to her sister on the phone.

Since I lost my job in the pandemic, I’ve been under lots of stress. This has made it ten times worse.

I know I have to talk to her, but I’m scared.

What if I mention it and she says she’s met someone else and is leaving me?

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I don’t want to lose her or my daughter, and I have nowhere else to go.

I can’t eat or sleep properly, and have nightmares about her with other men.

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DEIDRE SAYS:  Your discovery must have been incredibly distressing, but you can’t continue pretending it isn’t real.

Keeping this inside is driving you crazy.

You and your partner both need to deal with this situation. Please pick a moment to talk to her about what you found.

Before you do this, think about what you want to happen. There are many possible outcomes here – and her leaving you is only one of them.

Perhaps she is planning an abortion. Or if she does want the baby, and you still love her, maybe you would be willing to bring up the child as your own.

If, as you are dreading, your wife does want to end your relationship a relationship counsellor will help you split in the fairest possible way.

I’m sending you my counselling pack which explains more.

If you’re worried about your legal rights, please seek advice from citizensadvice.org.uk.

MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE

Freddie asks Jess to get rid of her tattoo – will she tell him about Alex?

I had a wild sex dream about an old school friend – but do I make it a reality?

Your erection issues are likely due to stress. My support pack on Erection Problems should help.

Make an appointment with your GP to rule out any medical causes.

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