‘I have to share my bloke with another woman – how do l get her to back off?’

My new bloke openly has another girlfriend.

He splits his time between the two of us and makes no attempt to hide his affection for her.

But this isn’t good enough for me. I don’t like to share and need to make him mine.

When we first met in June I knew he was in a relationship because my rival is my friend’s cousin. I was thrilled when he asked me out during a drink in a pub garden and assumed he was planning to break up with her.

But it’s not happened. Instead he continues to see and sleep with her as if it’s the most natural thing ever.

He claims I’m his “sun and his stars” and that he has enough love to satisfy everyone. He urges me not to be jealous because he’s never been someone who plays by the rules.

He’s simply a guy who makes his own way, but that’s not me. He thinks I’m as laid-back and flexible as he is, but I’m not.

I smile through gritted teeth every time he tells me how funny she is, but I’m secretly seething inside. Any time we make love I imagine him doing the same things to her and my blood boils.

He assumes that I’m a modern, anything-goes kind of girl, but I’m not. I’m insecure and needy and need my guy to be mine alone. I’ve no objection to his other girlfriend as a person.

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I know her vaguely and she’s very nice. I can’t believe she’s very happy with this current situation either. I’m half-tempted to contact her. Could I persuade her to back off if I explain that the best girl has won?

JANE SAYS:

Have you won? I don’t sense any major success from where I’m sitting.

I understand that you like this chap, but what about your personal responsibility?

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How is sleeping with a guy who is openly seeing another woman appropriate, clever or desirable in this climate?

What about social distancing and general health?

What happened to being a considerate and responsible adult?

You are complicit and need to step away. Tell him that you’re not interested in an open relationship and don’t like to share.

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If he likes to sleep with several women at a time, then that’s between him and his conscience but it’s not the way you play.

I worry that you’re in danger of making yourself very unhappy because you’re ­tying yourself up in knots.

From obsessing about his other lover to thinking he’s the coolest thing since sliced bread, you’re wasting a huge amount of time and energy on an egotist when you should be getting on with your own precious life.

He might be charming and attractive, but he’s not the only guy around and he doesn’t define you.

You might be flattered by his confidence and his swagger but he sounds unsuitable and immature to me.

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