I thought I'd met a decent man – until I found out he already had a girlfriend

I’d come out of a long-term relationship and had been single for a few years by the time I matched with Chris* in 2013.

I’d already had about a dozen first dates through a site but not one had led to a second date. Either I didn’t feel like there was anything there, or the guy didn’t. 

Chris’s profile stood out because we had a shared interests in film, and he seemed nice – in personality and looks, but without being the type of person who spends too much time on the latter. We exchanged several messages and he seemed nice. 

Still, even after I agreed to meet him, experience had taught me not to set any expectations.

Chris and I met up for a few drinks; it was the middle of the week, so the pub wasn’t too busy and we could hear each other talking.

From the start, I felt comfortable with him. We chatted easily, and when he told me he had been single for a few years too, I believed him. He worked at a cinema where I often visited, so we talked about our shared love of movies.

Chris was refreshing. He didn’t seem like most of the guys on the site or those I’d met offline at work or on training courses. He wasn’t a big drinker, and didn’t seem like he had a big ego or was just after one thing.

As we talked, the time flew by. I’d been on dates where it seemed to drag and I was constantly checking my watch as discreetly as I could, wondering how soon it would be socially acceptable to leave. I’d also been on dates where I’d seen the other person doing this. So, it was nice to just relax and enjoy his company.

Of course, there’s only so much you can tell from a first date with someone, no matter how you meet them, and first impressions are not always accurate. As I was soon to find out…

We got talking about ice skating, which I enjoyed when I was younger, and I suggested we go some time. He seemed interested, and by the time I got home on the bus, we had already texted each other to confirm we’d go the following week.

I didn’t know his surname, but I knew which cinema he worked at. So I went on Facebook the following day and searched for the branch, found it – and him – on there. 

I think part of me wanted to check him out because I thought he was too good to be true.

As I clicked on his profile and had a quick glance, that’s when I saw his status was set to ‘in a relationship’ with another cinema employee.

I felt really disappointed he’d lied to me. We’d only been on one date, but I thought we got on well and would have a second date.

I sent him a text saying I had second thoughts about meeting again because of his girlfriend, and if he had just wanted to meet as friends, I would have done if he had told me before we met in person. ‘But I don’t feel comfortable meeting you again after you claimed to be single,’ I typed. ‘I don’t go for attached guys.’

‘I’ve split up with her,’ his response came quickly. ‘I haven’t seen her for ages!’ Both of these statements seemed like outright lies, since he said on our date that he had been single for a few years, and the woman worked with him. 

There was no point arguing with him, though. I didn’t believe anything he said and didn’t have any interest in being the other woman. So I didn’t respond and blocked his number.  

After a day of thinking about it, I decided to message his girlfriend and tell her the truth about her boyfriend. It was a tough call to make but I knew, if it was me, I’d want to know.

Not wanting an angry girlfriend to take it out on me, I set up a new Facebook profile and messaged her, telling her I’d been out on a date with her boyfriend. I kept the profile for a few weeks, but the girlfriend never messaged me back.

Her profile was still listed as in a relationship with him when I deleted my profile. I think I made the right choice.

I did what I hoped someone else would do for me in that situation. As far as I could tell, she chose to stay with him.

After, I worried a little about running into Chris at the cinema, but watching films was a big hobby of mine and I wasn’t going to let that stop me.

Unfortunately, I did bump into him a few months later at the cinema, but managed to act as if I didn’t recognise him as he checked my ticket and told me the screen number.

*Name has been changed

So, How Did It Go?

So, How Did It Go? is a weekly Metro.co.uk series that will make you cringe with second-hand embarrassment or ooze with jealousy as people share their worst and best date stories.

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