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If sleep is the best form of meditation, I'm currently about as zen as a uni student desperately cramming in revision the morning of an exam whilst hopped up on multiple cans of Monster.
At 28 weeks pregnant and in my final trimester, I can't seem to bloody sleep at all.
And I know I'm not alone. I've heard from so many pregnant women about their difficulty to get to sleep at night. Which ironically comes after a day of feeling utterly shattered. I can be passed out on my sofa in front of Love Island but as soon as I drag myself up to bed and let my head hit the pillow, I ping wide awake.
There are many things keeping me up. Firstly, my baby boy deciding that as soon as nighttime is upon us, the curtain goes up and he's on stage performing a rather energetic solo tribute to the Moulin Rouge. His fave move being sharp kicks into my bladder.
And the peeing. The constant peeing. Almost on the hour, every hour I need to go. I could cry tears of frustration but I doubt I have any moisture left in my body.
Another big reason is the sleep position. Now I'm in my third trimester, I'm not meant to sleep on my back anymore. My most beloved position. Apparently the weight of your belly can put pressure on your vena cava, the main vein that carries blood back to the heart from your lower body, and this can reduce the blood flow and oxygen to your baby.
But side sleeping is so tough. My hips hurt and my giant pregnancy boobs smash together like two airbags in my face (quite the visual, ey?)
I bought one of those whose massive pregnancy pillows to keep me comfy but I just feel like I'm drowning in stuffing. On the plus side, my partner and cat absolutely adore it so I suppose it wasn't a completed wasted purchase.
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Plus, I have pelvic girdle pain which sounds like an injury someone would sustain in the Elizabethan period after a long period of corset wearing but it's actually intense pain in the public bone. Just when you thought my descriptions of pregnancy couldn't get any sexier…
And on a completely personal note I also own a cat with separation anxiety. Who is now nocturnal. And whenever he comes back into the house at night and realises we're asleep, has to storm upstairs and leap into our bed for a quick cuddle of reassurance.
It just feels so unfair that this is the time I can't sleep. When I spend my days so exhausted. When climbing a flight of stairs leaves me gasping for breath or when getting up to answer the front door seems like such a chore, I just lay down flat on my sofa and pretend I'm not in.
And to make matters worse, people feel it's essential to tell me how now is when I should be getting my rest in. Really? Now? When I'm growing a human life? I should try and get a decent night's sleep? Crikey what's next. Water is wet? Chocolate is delicious? Katie Price is partial to a bit of cosmetic enhancement?
Still I have to remind myself that there's only 11 weeks left to go of my pregnancy. 11 weeks or so until I finally get to meet my baby boy. Then I can sleep on my back again, enjoy a painless pubic bone once again and hopefully have figured out a way to keep my needy AF cat out of my bedroom.
Because I do hear that’s one of the big perks of new parenthood. The abundance of uninterrupted sleep, right? Right?
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