DEAR DEIDRE: EVEN though my partner and I have been together for six years, his friends and their girlfriends have never accepted me. I’ve received a hostile attitude from the start.
They are outright rude to me and on occasion my partner’s best friend, who is also his boss, has even tried to split us up by telling lies or constantly bringing up my partner’s ex-girlfriend. I’m 31 and my partner is 33.
The issue they have with me seems to stem from the time when my partner was in a relationship with his boss’s girlfriend’s best friend. They all used to head out on double dates together.
My partner and I are happy together. I wish his friends would move on and accept our relationship.
We are regularly invited to social events, which usually involve me being ignored by them all night.
My partner insists on me attending these gatherings despite the arguments it causes.
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DEIDRE SAYS: If your boyfriend is happy being with you, it’s not your job to win his friends over. You may never get them to accept you, but be polite and kind to his friends even when it galls you. This way they will never be able to complain about you to him when you’re not around.
Being polite gives you power. The less ammunition you give his friends to use against you, the better.
They must respect his choice and it is your boyfriend’s job to make sure they know that, by standing up to them.
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