I've been with my partner for 12 years but he still won't ask me to marry him

DEAR DEIDRE:  I’VE been with my partner for 12 years but he won’t ask me to marry him.

We’ve both been wed before.

My husband died 15 years ago in a tragic accident when he was the passenger in his friend’s car.

My partner’s first wife left him for another man. I am 48 and he is 56.

I’ve always wanted us to marry – I’m old-fashioned like that.

I have two lots of friends now getting married after around five years together.

My partner just says that the more I go on about it, the longer I will have to wait.

He says that he’ll ask in his own time and he wants it to be a special surprise when he proposes.

Am I being unreasonable? People keep asking me when we’re going to get married, which I find embarrassing.

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DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t feel pressured by other people’s questions, but your partner is clearly prevaricating.

Are bad memories from his first marriage putting him off?

Tell him that the way he dismisses your feelings is unacceptable and your relationship is at risk – but couple counselling could resolve this.

See relate.org.uk and tavistockrelationships.org.

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