“She’s fairly tidy but close up shows signs of wear.”
You can search for almost anything on eBay but one “used” girlfriend is perhaps not on top of every bidder’s buy list.
Still, such trivialities didn’t deter British man Dale Leeks who put his girlfriend Kelly on the online auction site with a very rude and insulting description.
The Mirror reports that the 34-year-old gentleman thought it was a fine and jolly prank to post an advert of his lady love, Kelly Greaves, on eBay as a “used” item.
It gets worse, the “Romeo” of the digital era added that “parts” of his significant other were “not working” and then went on to warn potential bidders about a “constant whining noise.”
It’s advised that when you’re in a hole it’s best to stop digging, but Dale gleefully continued to wield his shovel with the unbridled joy of a man who has thrown all caution to the four winds.
He compared his 37-year-old partner to an “old banger.” And then getting somewhat carried away with the car terminology he described her bodywork as, “fairly tidy but close up shows signs of wear.” The cherry on this particular cake was the phrase, “The rear end leaks a bit but nothing that can’t be plugged.”
The auction went live and the prank was up and running but Dale, who lives in Colchester, Essex and owns his own landscape gardening company wasn’t prepared for what happened next.
Chuckling to himself at his own mercurial mirth Dale confessed to Kelly what he had done and she took it in good spirits, thinking no-one would see the listing.
How wrong she was!
The lovebirds went out for dinner that night and that’s when Dale began to get bombarded with messages from interested buyers from all over the globe.
Dale recalls, “The first few bids and messages on eBay were from friends who had seen that I’d done it and gone and bid on her.
“But from there it just majorly spiraled out of control. The bids started going mad. I was like ‘wow, what have I done.’”
As for Kelly, she just felt flattered the bids were racking up, but not so happy with the innuendo-laced queries from “interested buyers” such as, “Can I come and have a test drive,” and, “I’m fairly interested in putting a bid in. Can you tell me how many previous owners she’s had? Also, “What’s her service history like?” And of course, “Does she smoke when she’s being revved hard?”
Only 24 hours into the listing, eBay stepped in and canceled the auction, stating, “human body parts and remains are banned.”
Kelly remained objective and was a bit put out she never got to see what her boyfriend would have actually sold her for.
Dale revealed, “She said ‘what price would you actually have sold me for? Would you have been upset if someone actually bought me?’
“I said I would have been upset but I would have been crying in either a Lamborghini or a Ferrari, which makes it a whole lot better.
“She said if the new owner had that kind of money then she was going to have a better quality of life. So it could have backfired.”
All’s well that ends well though. Because all of the outside interest has made Dale realize that he, “Loves her to bits” and “would never sell her.”
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