My boyfriend told me he had herpes…after we'd slept together

DEAR DEIDRE: WAITING two months to have sex with my boyfriend was a real challenge as there was such a strong attraction between us.

When we did get together it was fantastic. But I was dumbfounded the morning after when he casually mentioned he had herpes.

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I am 27 and my boyfriend is 31.

I can’t believe he didn’t mention this beforehand. It feels like a betrayal.

Now, what I regarded as a night of incredible sex is tainted with the knowledge he kept this from me.

We agreed not to have sex again for a while after this revelation and to focus on getting to know one another better but he started saying he can’t wait any longer.

He suggested he either wears a condom during sex but stops taking his herpes medication, or that we have unprotected sex and he’d carry on taking his tablets.

He has even suggested that we could get married if that would make me feel better.

All these suggestions seem illogical and irresponsible to me.

I tried to reason with him, but he didn’t seem concerned about what I was saying. He only seemed to be bothered about himself.

He started complaining he was sexually frustrated and wanted to resume our sex life straight away.

I have been so anxious ever since, even though he assured me that he took medication to control it.

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I have booked to have a herpes blood test, but I can’t have it for three months to allow for any antibodies to develop.

I was falling in love with him but felt I had no choice but to end our relationship.

If I have caught herpes I worry I’ll be on my own for the rest of my life. I can’t eat or sleep, I’m so stressed.

DEIDRE SAYS: Herpes is pretty common and doesn’t need to stop a couple having a happy and sexually fulfilling relationship.

He may have been embarrassed about telling you or thought you would run a mile if he was honest, but whether you were comfortable with this risk is a decision that should have been yours to make. He took that choice away from you.

He is on medication but it doesn’t sit right that he assumed once you had sex, you would see your risk in a more favourable light.

What he’s done is cause stress and worry. Get detailed advice from the Herpes Viruses Association (, 0845 123 2305).

My support pack Mend Your Broken Heart will help you to pick up the pieces and move on.

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