My ex used me for sex – I'm angry with myself for believing his lies

The problem:

When we slept together last month, I really thought my ex and I were back on track but now I discover he just used me.

We were together for nearly three years until he dumped me six months ago. I found out he’d been cheating since before Christmas and was absolutely devastated. But he couldn’t quite seem to let me go.

He followed me on social media and sent jealous messages when he saw pictures of me having fun with other guys. I really thought that, given time, he would come to his senses, finish with the other girl and we’d get back together.

Then, out of the blue, he said he wanted to see me. I was thrilled and made sure I looked amazing. I was so excited to see him – it was just like a first date. We went out for dinner and he said how much he missed me and that he’d done the wrong thing by going off with someone else.

There was no doubt that the evening would end in sex – we couldn’t eat fast enough to get out of there and get back to my flat. We had barely got in the front door when we started ripping each other’s clothes off. We had the most amazing sex and it felt wonderful to be in his arms again.

But when I woke up the next morning, he had gone. He sent a short message to my phone, saying he was sorry and it was a mistake. I felt so broken, I cried for hours. I’m so angry with myself for believing his lies.

What the expert says:

Please don’t blame yourself or feel you did anything wrong. You were the loving and trusting one, while he was the creep who told lies to get what he wanted.

I know you are hurting right now but try to turn the whole thing on its head.

Although it feels like the end of the world, you’ve seen how shallow and deceitful he really is. Use that knowledge to help you put everything into perspective. When the hurt has subsided, you’ll realise you don’t want to spend your life with a guy like that.

It sounds as though he wanted to prove that he could still get you into bed. All the messaging and social media following suggest he wanted to perpetuate your attachment to him.

Don’t let him play with your emotions like that. It’s really important for your own wellbeing to block his number, ignore his messages and move on without him.

Don’t be angry with yourself that it took one final fling to prove what he’s really like.

Pity the girl he’s with now. He has already cheated on her at least once, and I’ve no doubt it will happen again.

Healing takes time but eventually you’ll be glad you’re no longer with him. Put all your energies into finding someone new who will love and respect you and give you the sort of relationship you want.

Laura Collins is a writer and trained counsellor

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