My wife never wants sex – but then she slept with a complete stranger | The Sun

DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife constantly turns me down, insisting she has a low libido, but it seems she can muster up the enthusiasm for sex with some stranger she’d just met.

I feel so humiliated and hurt. Now it feels like it wasn’t sex she didn’t want, but me.

We’ve been together for five years and have had our ups and downs, but I really do love her.

She’s 34, and I’m 36.

I’ve always had a fairly high sex drive but I’ve been so patient with her, putting my own needs second.

Ideally, I’d like to have sex every single night — at least once.

But she’s never wanted it more than once a week, if I’m lucky.

I’ve never cheated on her or even looked at another woman, and satisfy myself if she isn’t in the mood.

We’ve been having a few problems lately — mainly because we can’t decide if we want to have kids — but I thought things were getting better.

Yet last week, she came home from a weekend away with her best friend and seemed sheepish. She was quiet for days.

Eventually, I asked her what was wrong and she broke down, admitting that she’d got drunk and slept with a random guy she’d met at the pub.

She says she doesn’t know why she did it, and regrets it.

She’s relieved she told me because she doesn’t want to keep secrets from me.

I’m gutted, and while I want to forgive her, I can’t get the image of her having sex with another man out of my head.

But I’m also angry and confused.

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Why doesn’t she want to have sex with me, her loving husband, yet she’ll jump into bed with a total stranger at the first opportunity?

It’s making me wonder whether she enjoys sex with me at all, or whether she even finds me attractive.

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DEIDRE SAYS: Your wife may feel relieved that she’s unburdened herself of her guilty secret, but it’s left you feeling confused, hurt and inadequate.

Now that you know the truth, you have a choice – either you split up or sort things out.

Otherwise, this will eat away at you and destroy everything.

It sounds like you’re less upset about the cheating than her desire for another man, given she rarely wants sex with you.

You must ask her to be honest. If she is unhappy in bed with you, then this is something you can both work on.

Think about relationship counselling – alone and/or together.


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You can find support through Tavistock Relationships (, 020 7380 1960).

My support pack, Cheating, Can You Get Over It? may also be helpful, as will my pack Different Sex Drives.

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