Partner has gone off sex so I am having affair with lover who adores my weight | The Sun

DEAR DEIDRE: MY secret lover can’t get enough of my curves – and after feeling bad about my weight gain for years, it’s a thrill to enjoy sex again.

Before I met my younger man, I had been through a sex drought for five years as my long-term partner and I piled on the pounds.

I am 36 and my partner is 38. We have been together for 15 years.

He is considerate and loving but has lost his libido.

On the other hand, my sex drive is just as strong as ever.

I still love him but he doesn’t want me and that hurts.

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I know it was wrong but, tired of being turned down, I signed up to a dating site where I met my lover.

He wasn’t bothered about my weight, in fact he prefers curvy women.

He’s 34 and to begin with our relationship was all about the sex.

We’d meet regularly when my husband was working late.

It felt so good to be enjoying another man’s body again but then my partner sensed something had changed and started asking lots of questions.

I had no choice but to break up with my lover, who I’ve been seeing for the past year.

I miss him so much. I’m devastated and have cried myself to sleep for weeks.

I have stayed with my partner because deep down I love him more than anything.

Now I feel worthless and disgusted at what I have done.

Please help me get out of this hopeless ditch.

DEIDRE SAYS: Your lover made you feel attractive again, but you don’t need an affair to make you feel that way.

You love your partner, and while being overweight can affect libido it’s also true it can affect people’s attraction.

This is a sensitive subject – both to discuss, but also to hear.

You both have a good relationship but need to address the demise of your sex life and this is deeply rooted in your weight gain.

Could you talk to him about how you miss being close and intimate with him.

Would you both consider getting healthier together, by looking at healthy eating patterns and regular exercise?

My support pack Weight Worries gives practical advice.

My other support pack on Reviving A Man’s Sex Drive may help you both too.

By visiting an impartial counsellor you will be able to have constructive conversations around your weight gain and the lack of intimacy between the two of you.

Tavistock Relationships ( can help.

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