Dear Amy: Should I have to tell my boyfriend every single place I go during the day? He’ll get home and ask me how my day was and what I did during the day.
Sometimes I just want to go get out of the house. I’m a mother of two young boys.
My oldest is in school and I’m at home with my youngest.
I get the whole “respect” thing. I’m very respectful to my boyfriend. I love him very much.
I can see that if I was going to places that were inappropriate, this could get me into trouble with him, but I’m not. Sometimes I’ll just take my youngest to the Goodwill, or up the street to visit my parents’ house.
My boyfriend tells me he feels that I lie to him because I don’t tell him these things that my youngest and I do while he’s at work.
I trust him, even though I just got out of an abusive relationship with a narcissist a year ago.
The guy I’m dating now was the one who bought it to light that I was in an abusive relationship.
I still have a lot of things I need to work out within myself, but I just don’t want anyone else to try to control me.
I would hope my boyfriend wouldn’t do that. What do you think?
Dear Unsure: “How was your day?” and “What did you guys do today?” are both simple and respectful conversation-starters.
The red flag here is if your boyfriend accuses you of “lying,” when you neglect to fill in every detail of how you spent your time during the day.
Ask him — does he need or expect a complete accounting of how you spent your time, and if so — why?
Given that you are recently out of a controlling or abusive relationship, it seems too soon for you to be in another serious relationship, especially if you and your boyfriend are cohabiting.
You have gone from one serious relationship directly into another one.
You really do need to give yourself time to work on some personal issues, and the person you are with (when the time is right) should not only trust you completely, but should value your judgment, strength and independence.
Dear Amy: I married in 1980, at age 17, three days after graduating high school.
I have spent all the time since caring for husband, children, and grandchildren.
I’ll be 60 this year, and this will mark two years of living alone for the first time in my life. I’m not a fan.
I don’t know the rules of dating, especially in this pandemic.
Can you offer any advice or resource that can help?
Going to church to find a date just sounds wrong to me.
I don’t drink, so that knocks me out of the bar scene.
I have an online ad up, but so far it just seems to attract scammers and ghosters.
— Senior Single
Dear Senior: My first idea is for my next business: A new algorithm that somehow prevents the dreaded “ghosting” phenomenon. (Hmmm; “Ghostbusters”?)
In terms of online matching, I am not sure what you mean by an “online ad,” but I suggest that you try a variety of dating sites until you find one that results in a better yield for you (Match.com and Eharmony.com both ranked high in a 2021 US News ranking of sites for seniors).
Online matching is … a numbers game, unfortunately, and the phrase “kiss some frogs” comes to mind. Have a friend review your profile to make sure it reflects you at your best.
More important than matching with a romantic partner at 60 is for you to enrich your life beyond your search. Go hiking, biking, and bird watching. Enroll in a class at your local community college. Volunteer to prepare and serve food for the hungry.
Do not do these things to meet men. Do these things to find yourself.
Also, if you truly do not like living alone, consider taking in a roommate or two. In my opinion, the Golden Girls were really onto something.
Dear Amy: “Stuck with Memories” needed suggestions for getting rid of items. I enjoy my local “Buy Nothing” group through Facebook.
Many people in my neighborhood group are crafters and always looking for things to repurpose.
— Landfill Avoidant
Dear Avoidant: Several readers have recommended “Buy Nothing” groups for people looking to downsize. What a great idea!
(You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
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