Dear Amy: Last year I found out that my sister and her 17-year-old son were providing weed to my son, who was 15 years old at the time.
This went on for two years. I found out through text messages a year ago.
I had been suspicious and asked my sister three times why every time her son came over, he and my son would make an excuse and leave the room.
My sister knew this was happening and allowed it.
A year later, I am still angry with her.
Pot is legal in our state, but I feel extremely hurt by my sister.
She admitted this was happening and never apologized.
The worst thing is that my mom and other siblings found out and no one thinks it’s a big deal, except for me. They all took my sister’s side and told me to get over it.
How should I handle this?
— Very Hurt
Dear Very Hurt: There are several people who should share some of the responsibility for this episode. They are as follows:
Your son: He knew that smoking weed was wrong and – due to his age – illegal. He knew you would be upset and disappointed by his choice. He did it anyway – because that’s what teens sometimes do.
Your nephew: See above.
You: This happened at your house. Even if you didn’t know what was going on, it happened at your house. If either teen got high at your home and then caused an accident, injuring themselves or someone else you could be legally liable.
Your sister: If she was an active participant in purchasing weed and providing it to two minors, she was contributing to the delinquency of a minor, which is a crime. Parents and other adults have been arrested for providing pot to teens.
I can completely understand why you are so upset about this, but a year later, I think it’s wisest to accept that none of the other parties or witnesses to this affront will accept responsibility for it. This reflects very poorly on all of them.
Dear Amy: Twenty years ago, my mother made a close friend of hers the sole beneficiary of a mutual fund.
Since then, the fund has grown to a substantial sum.
My mother passed away last year and the fund (money) has been turned over to this friend.
My conundrum is this: My inheritance is smaller than this friend’s and I do not think my mother intended this; I honestly think she lost track of it and would have at least split it between the two of us, as I was her only child, and we were very close.
I did not know about this fund being bequeathed to the friend.
As awkward and awful as it sounds, I would like to ask this friend to consider either splitting his inheritance with me or maybe providing me a forgivable loan.
I think he might be amenable, but I just don’t know how best to approach him about this request:
Should I call him or write a letter?
Should I just ask or plead?
Thank you for any insight or advice.
— Hate to Ask
Dear Hate To Ask: This is a tough “ask,” because, unless you can come up with a solid justification for taking some of this man’s inheritance, you don’t have much of a case.
“It’s not fair that you got more than I did” doesn’t seem like a solid reason.
You might do best asking for a “forgivable loan,” but my understanding of these loans is that the amount (or a high percentage of it) would be forgiven if you satisfied certain benchmarks. In your case, you’d have to decide what these might be before making your pitch.
You should get creative. Perhaps he would be willing to invest some of his inheritance in a cause your mother would have supported, such as an educational trust for any grandchildren.
Ask in person (if possible), or over the phone. Make notes before you have your conversation. Follow up with a letter.
Dear Amy: “Etiquette Challenged” asked if she should tell her son he’d given her a duplicate cookbook.
When gifts are given by your kids, it is a glorious occasion.
My first thought was to absolutely keep the gift from the son.
Then give the cookbook to a neighbor or friend, who also loves to cook. That gift from your child will be a dear and treasured memento.
Dear Paula: Great advice! Keep the gift from your child and donate the duplicate.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
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