BENNETT Kaspar-Williams says his nurses insisted on calling him a “mom” during his pregnancy despite being a man.
It was back in 2011 when Bennett first realized he was trans but he didn’t begin his transition for another three years.
He met his future husband, Malik, in 2017 and the two married in 2019. The couple wanted to have children and went over their options until they decided on having Bennett stop taking his testosterone hormone therapy.
Doing this allowed Bennett’s ovaries to function as he hasn’t received bottom surgery. He said he would be comfortable trying to conceive and carry a child.
Soon after, Bennett became pregnant and he and Malik welcomed their son Hudson in October 2020 via Cesarean section.
In the summer of 2015, Bennett had top surgery to remove his breasts—paying $5,000 for the operation.
Bennett called the operation “liberating.”
“I had this feeling that it was something that I needed to do, but I never had a self-hatred of my breasts, like some trans people.”
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Bennett added that he didn’t have dysphoria over certain parts of his body but added that he never could have anticipated the “relief” of having his breasts gone.
“It was a huge weight off my shoulders.”
Bennett says that bottom half surgery is “off the table” because he’s not dysphoric about that part of his body.
When it came to carrying and giving birth to his own child, however, Bennett says it wasn’t a straightforward decision.
“I always knew it was a possibility that my body might achieve pregnancy, but it wasn’t something I ever wanted to do until I learned how to separate the function of my body from any notions of gender,” he said.
Bennett added that he learned to think of his body as a tool instead of “a collection of gendered stereotypes” which helped him realize that he wanted to have a child naturally.
“No one can ever really know whether having children is possible until you try—being born with a uterus doesn’t make conceiving or carrying a certainty.
“That’s why it’s so important that we stop defining ‘womanhood’ in terms of ‘motherhood’ because it’s a false equivalency that all women can become mothers, that all mothers carry their children, or that all people who carry children are mothers.”
MISGENDERED BY HOSPITAL STAFF
Bennett became pregnant in March 2020 without any medical intervention except getting off testosterone.
He says he and Malik expected the process to take longer than it did but the two became worried as the pandemic happened.
“This was just about a week before we went into lockdown here in March 2020, so my high spirits were pretty quickly replaced by anxiety around the pandemic and how I would keep myself and my baby safe.”
He gave birth to Hudson in October of last year but says that he was constantly misgendered by the nurses despite having a beard and a flat chest.
“The only thing that made me dysphoric about my pregnancy was the misgendering that happened to me when I was getting medical care,” he said.
“Even with a full beard, a flat chest, and a ‘male’ gender marker on all my identification, people could not help but default to calling me ‘mom’, ‘mother’ or ‘ma’am.’”
Bennett says nothing about his pregnancy felt ‘feminine’ to him and that carrying a child during the pandemic was the bravest thing he’s ever done.
“Nothing feels stronger than being able to say I’m a dad who created my own child.”
Bennett says he loves watching Hudson learn and share new discoveries with him, adding that it’s beautiful to see how children aren’t clouded by prejudice.
“Children are these amazing beings that don’t see the world with the same bias and preconceptions that adults do,” Bennett said.
“To my son, there’s nothing more natural and normal than having a Dada and a Papa, and when he’s old enough, he will come to know that his Dada was the one who carried him and took care of him so he could come into this world.”
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