{"id":186533,"date":"2023-08-29T21:54:19","date_gmt":"2023-08-29T21:54:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/newsneednews.com\/?p=186533"},"modified":"2023-08-29T21:54:19","modified_gmt":"2023-08-29T21:54:19","slug":"exclusive-amy-winehouse-wrote-about-hating-her-temper-in-teen-diary","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newsneednews.com\/world-news\/exclusive-amy-winehouse-wrote-about-hating-her-temper-in-teen-diary\/","title":{"rendered":"EXCLUSIVE: Amy Winehouse wrote about 'hating her temper' in teen diary"},"content":{"rendered":"
Amy Winehouse once admitted that she could get so angry that she became \u2018physically violent with those I love\u2019 in a teenage diary entry that has now been made public by her family.<\/p>\n
The late singer wrote, \u2018I hate my temper\u2019 and \u2018sometimes it eats away at me so much\u2019 that she lashed out at those closest to her.<\/p>\n
She added that she found herself \u2018filled with such hatred that I have to literally lie down to cool myself off\u2019 – in a startling description of the demons which would lead to her death aged just 27 in 2011.<\/p>\n
Winehouse\u2019s family have now released a book of her teenage diaries, scrapbook entries, scribblings and photos of her growing up – the proceeds will go to the foundation set up in her name.\u00a0<\/p>\n
The letter casts a fresh light on her later relationships, including her ill-fated marriage to Blake Fielder-Civil and secret relationship with singer Pete Doherty.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Amy Winehouse wrote in her diary that she ‘hated her temper’ which made her get ‘physically violent’. She is seen in a school photo in the new book, Amy Winehouse: In Her Words<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Amy wrote about being unable to control her anger on her teen diary. She is seen in another school photo\u00a0<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The diary offers a\u00a0startling description of the demons that would lead to her death aged just 27\u00a0<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Titled \u2018Amy Winehouse: In Her Words’, the book gives an extraordinary and intimate portrait of Winehouse as an emerging talent<\/p>\n
Titled \u2018Amy Winehouse: In Her Words’, the book gives an extraordinary and intimate portrait of Winehouse as an emerging talent.<\/p>\n
There are scraps of paper that show early versions of some of her most famous hits, as well as notes to her family and photos showing her on the cusp of fame.<\/p>\n
But it is the letter about her mindset that is the is most revealing abut the struggles that ended her life far too soon.<\/p>\n
It appears to have been written while she was still at school in the years leading up to the 2003 release of \u2018Frank\u2019 – her debut album that won an Ivor Novello award, Winehouse’s first major honor.<\/p>\n
Winehouse wrote that she \u2018may be a little eccentric and loud, weird also\u2019 but that was only because \u2018not many people know me’.<\/p>\n
Most people were just happy to think she was the \u2018nutter of the class\u2019, Winehouse wrote.<\/p>\n
She added: \u2018Well, I\u2019m pleased that I\u2019m different\u2026I love being loud and mouthing off to people; it\u2019s the way I am\u2019.<\/p>\n
Winehouse also wrote, \u2018I wonder if there\u2019s some guy out there who\u2019s as crazy as me?\u2019 before saying she hoped there is a man who \u2018loves the Beatles\u2019 like she does.<\/p>\n
She expressed her fear that she was destined to always go out with \u2018gorgeous guys with NO BRAIN (one thing I despise)\u2019.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Winehouse and her father Mitch are pictured under speech bubbles the singer wrote.\u00a0Such was the bond between Winehouse and Mitch that she called herself a \u2018daddy\u2019s girl’<\/p>\n
\n<\/p>\n
The new book features various sketches by Winehouse, as well as writings and song lyrics<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
\u2018Sometimes I\u2019m filled with hatred that I can\u2019t control my temper and have to literally lie down to cool myself off,’ Winehouse wrote. She is seen behind a bar<\/p>\n
\u2018Sometimes I\u2019m filled with hatred that I can\u2019t control my temper and have to literally lie down to cool myself off,’\u00a0Winehouse wrote.<\/p>\n
\u2018I hate my temper. Sometimes it eats away at me so much that I get physically violent with those I love; however much I say I\u2019m sorry it\u2019s something they can never forget\u2019.<\/p>\n
The diary entry shows that Winehouse crossed out \u2018victims\u2019 and replaced it with \u2018they\u2019.<\/p>\n
She went on: \u2018Right now I\u2019m writing to release my anger\u2026anything can spark it off. Teachers, family, my own stupidity, the latter usually\u2019.<\/p>\n
The book charts Winehouse\u2019s journey from a North London schoolgirl to winning five Grammy awards in 2008, the high point of her career before it fell apart.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Winehouse does not specify who she got violent with but it may have included her mother Janis and her father Mitch.<\/p>\n
Such was the bond between Winehouse and Mitch that she called herself a \u2018daddy\u2019s girl,\u2019 but according to a 2015 documentary titled \u2018Amy\u2019, their relationship was fraught.<\/p>\n
In one scene Winehouse expresses her disgust that Mitch turned up in St Lucia filming his own documentary about her, apparently without her permission.<\/p>\n
Winehouse is seen saying: ‘Why have you done this to me? You have to come out with a camera crew! Are you only interested in me for what you can get out of me?’<\/p>\n
And at the time Mitch’s resulting documentary was aired, Winehouse wrote on X, the platform formerly known as Twitter: ‘WHY don’t my dad WRITE a SONG when something bothers him instead of going on national TV?’<\/p>\n
Violence was a feature of Winehouse\u2019s relationships, especially with Fielder-Civil, fueled by drug and alcohol addictions.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The book includes Winehouse’s notes to her family as she was on the cusp of fame. A Mother’s Day card for her mom is pictured above<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
It charts Winehouse\u2019s journey from a North London schoolgirl to winning five Grammy awards in 2008. Amy is pictured with her mom Janis<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Winehouse does not specify who she got violent with but it may have included her mother Janis and her father Mitch. A young Winehouse is pictured with family<\/p>\n
They began dating in 2005 and he introduced her to hard drugs, one admitting that it was the \u2018biggest mistake of my life\u2019 doing heroin in front of her.<\/p>\n
He told a newspaper in 2008: \u2018I introduced her to heroin, crack cocaine, and self-harming. I feel more than guilty\u2019.<\/p>\n
Winehouse began her transformation into a style icon while dating Fielder-Civil and changed from a wholesome looking young woman to a skinny 50s style pinup with heels, heavy black eye makeup and beehive hairstyle.<\/p>\n
Winehouse once admitted that she used to beat up Fielder-Civil if he \u2018says one thing I don\u2019t like\u2019.<\/p>\n
Speaking a month after their wedding she said: \u2018I\u2019m either a really good drunk or I\u2019m an out-and-out s***, horrible, violent, abusive, emotional drunk.<\/p>\n
\u2018I\u2019ll beat up Blake when I\u2019m drunk. I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever bruised him, but I do have my way. If he says one thing I don’t like then I\u2019ll chin him. I\u2019m not a fighter, but if I am backed up against the wall I\u2019ll kick the s*** out of anyone.<\/p>\n
\u2018I don\u2019t think your ability to fight has anything to do with how big you are. It has to do with how much anger is in you\u2019.<\/p>\n
Winehouse got into fights with strangers too, and in 2006 she assaulted a female fan at the Glastonbury music festival in the UK.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Winehouse wrote that she \u2018may be a little eccentric and loud, weird also\u2019 but that was only because \u2018not many people know me’.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
She went on: \u2018Right now I\u2019m writing to release my anger\u2026anything can spark it off. Teachers, family, my own stupidity, the latter usually\u2019\u00a0<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Amy listed some of the goals she set up for herself in one of her notebook entries, seen above<\/p>\n
The title track of \u2018Back to Black\u2019 is thought to be about Fielder-Civil when it says: \u2018I love you much, it\u2019s not enough \/ You love blow and I love puff\u2019.<\/p>\n
Another violent episode happened in 2007 when Winehouse and Fielder-Civil were involved in a bloody bust up at London\u2019s trendy Sanderson Hotel.<\/p>\n
At the time Mitch said of his daughter and her husband: \u2018He (Fielder-Civil) explained to me that when they\u2019re going into (drug) withdrawal, if they cut themselves, it takes away the pain\u2019.<\/p>\n
In 2009 the couple divorced, by which time Fielder-Civil had been jailed for 27 months for attacking a barman and then offering a bribe to cover it up.<\/p>\n
In a separate case, Fielder-Civil was accused of offering another prisoner $25,000 to beat up singer Pete Doherty, who was then in a relationship with Winehouse.<\/p>\n
Winehouse\u2019s family says in the book that they \u2018can\u2019t say we truly understand her\u2019 based on her writings.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The letter casts a fresh light on Winehouse’s later relationships, including her ill-fated marriage to Blake Fielder-Civil<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Winehouse and\u00a0Fielder-Civil\u00a0 began dating in 2005 and he introduced her to hard drugs, one admitting that it was the \u2018biggest mistake of my life\u2019 doing heroin in front of her<\/p>\n
They say that songs and poems were something she came back to \u2018time and time again\u2019 in her happiest periods as well as her \u2018darkest moments of addiction\u2019.<\/p>\n
Her family write that she was a \u2018natural observer of life\u2019 and loved music, once writing out the lyrics to Michael Jackson\u2019s \u2018Bad\u2019 in pencil.<\/p>\n
She dreamed of being a journalist and used to write stories of what she did with her two best friends.<\/p>\n
Winehouse was \u2018obsessive\u2019 about documenting things and was constantly scribbling in a notebook.<\/p>\n
One of her biggest hits, \u2018Rehab\u2019, came to her during an argument with Mitch.<\/p>\n
She is said to have interrupted him to scribble some thoughts down – and then carried on with the argument.<\/p>\n
Winehouse was such a perfectionist she didn\u2019t let her family listen to her music until it was recorded, the book reveals.<\/p>\n
And she was extremely picky about who she worked with, choosing producer Mark Ronson as they were both Jewish and from North London which gave them a bond.<\/p>\n
The book says that Winehouse would have been 40 this year and that her addictions \u2018robbed her and us of her life\u2019.<\/p>\n
With the book her family says they want people to remember Winehouse through her \u2018sharp, funny, observant, sometimes heartbreaking and profound\u2019 songs rather than her demons.<\/p>\n