![](\"https:\/\/metro.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/GettyImages-598780911.jpg\")
<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
To most people, the idea of tying up your partner sounds ultra kinky, and ultra scandalous. <\/p>\n
But there is a difference between simple rope play and Shibari, a Japanese art in the use of rope with a partner.<\/p>\n
For a start, it\u2019s skillful \u2013 while anyone can learn Shibari, not just anyone can pick up a rope and do it on the first try. There is method to the pleasurable practice.<\/p>\n
Anna Kii, an expert in Shibari \u2013 both in tying and being tied up \u2013 said on this week\u2019s episode of Metro.co.uk\u2019s Smut Drop podcast it\u2019s an \u2018erotic consensual practice\u2019 that\u2019s \u2018connecting\u2019.<\/p>\n
\u2018It\u2019s a beautiful art form,\u2019 she explained. \u2018This is what interests me most about it, it\u2019s an art form of tying up people.\u2019 <\/p>\n
So what is the difference between Shabari and just tying someone up? <\/p>\n
\u2018It\u2019s done in a particular way, using ropes in a safe and pleasant way,\u2019 she added. \u2018And it has particular patterns to it. Patterns and knots, which are applied and tied to the body. So it should not be done randomly. There\u2019s a certain structure to it. <\/p>\n
\u2018It\u2019s not something you learned in the Boys\u2019 Brigade.\u2019<\/p>\n
Ideally, you\u2019d use jute, a natural fibre rope for the practice.<\/p>\n
The length of a rope bundle is eight metres and it\u2019s normally six millimetres wide and three ply twisted. <\/p>\n
\u2018And it\u2019s smooth and nicely works to feel good on the body,\u2019 Anna added, and it should be waxed so it\u2019s comfortable against skin.<\/p>\n
To learn the practice, London offers workshops in which you can practice such as Anatomie Studio in Peckham, and sex clubs like Killing Kittens sometimes offer online sessions in which to learn.<\/p>\n
![](\"https:\/\/metro.co.uk\/wp-content\/themes\/metro-parent\/img\/fallback.png\")
<\/p>\n
The reason Anna thinks it can be so good for building connection, is because the practice requires trust, respect, patience and consent. These are all good hallmarks in any relationship, and require strong communication.<\/p>\n
In a Shibari scenario, there will be a \u2018bunny\u2019 \u2013 the one being tied \u2013 and a \u2018rigger\u2019 \u2013 the one doing the tying. But it\u2019s also very common for people to swap and try both, like she has.<\/p>\n
The person acting as the bunny will be making themselves vulnerable too, which can also strengthen the bond between two people as trust is developed and vulnerability is respected.<\/p>\n
After care is another important step when practicing Shibari, according to Anna.<\/p>\n
\u2018It\u2019s important to spend some time with your bunny having a quick chat, giving them a hug,\u2019 she said.<\/p>\n
\u2018Make sure nothing hurts too much. Give them like a little rub. It\u2019s just human nature to look after each other. <\/p>\n
\u2018I think it\u2019s important to make sure the other person feels well after the session.\u2019<\/p>\n
Intimacy is vital both during and after the act.<\/p>\n
Djfet, who\u00a0runs a group called South Coast Shibari, previously told Metro: \u2018I adore zoning in on the person I tie with.<\/p>\n
\u2018I find out what mood they are in and always negotiate what they want \u2013 and really don\u2019t want \u2013 before I tie them.<\/p>\n
\u2018Seeing them become free and relaxed is a huge gift to both give and receive.<\/p>\n
\u2018When I am tied myself I still get that sense of quiet inside my head \u2013 the space where my thoughts aren\u2019t racing at a million miles an hour.<\/p>\n
\u2018For me, this is not a sexual act \u2013 which is not to say that it doesn\u2019t become erotic; after all it\u2019s primarily an erotic art form.\u2019<\/p>\n