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A psychologist and relationship coach has shared her secret to her long and happy marriage with her husband.<\/p>\n
Dr Lori Beth Bisbey, 60, has been in a romantic partnership with her husband for 14-and-a-half years, and the pair have been married for almost nine.<\/p>\n
Through her relationship with him, she realised what had been missing from previous entanglements and what is now present in her healthy marriage. <\/p>\n
The missing piece? Being allowed to date other people.<\/p>\n
Dr Lori Beth is\u00a0bisexual, and didn\u2019t want to give up a part of her\u00a0identity\u00a0by being in a monogamous relationship. And so, being polyamorous has helped her to stay connected with her sexuality. <\/p>\n
Both her and her husband were \u2018non-monogamous\u2019 before they met and decided they wanted their relationship to reflect that.<\/p>\n
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\u2018We both love it as we get more needs met, have wider support and more places of joy,\u2019 she explained. \u2018We were together for five years before we were married and have had other relationships throughout.\u2019<\/p>\n
Explaining that she has two other long-term relationships outside of her marriage, Dr Lori Beth added: \u2018We meet\u00a0people\u00a0in the course of daily life. Neither of us spends time on dating\u00a0apps. We have gone to events that are sex and relationship-positive and met people there.<\/p>\n
\u2018If I am at a sex positive event, people talk freely about their relationship status (and I do as well). Otherwise, it is really not different than how you approach someone if you are interested in them.\u2019<\/p>\n
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The pair have one rule when it comes to external relationships, and it\u2019s something that divides opinion in the polyamory community. They uphold a veto rule, which means that one partner can choose if the other is allowed sleep with someone else.<\/p>\n
\u2018Though it is controversial, we do have a veto rule because of the structure we agreed in our relationship,\u2019 Dr Lori Beth said. \u2018Otherwise, we practice safe sex and see consent as the key to establishing safety.\u2019<\/p>\n
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But do feelings of jealousy come up?<\/p>\n
\u2018In my professional experience, jealousy arises from insecurity about yourself and feeling insecure about your place in the relationship,\u2019 Dr Lori Beth explained. <\/p>\n
\u2018My husband and I are both secure about ourselves and about our place in our relationship so we don\u2019t really experience jealousy. We experience envy sometimes.\u2019<\/p>\n
She continued: \u2018For example, if I am working and don\u2019t get the opportunity to go and have fun, but he can. Or if I travel somewhere he would have liked to go with another partner.<\/p>\n
\u2018We spend time talking about the feelings, allowing safe expression. Then we will look and see if any behaviour needs to change.\u2019<\/p>\n