‘I’m in four-way relationship with neighbours – people judge but we’re in love’

A polyamorous woman opened up about her unique four-way relationship, claiming she couldn't be happier despite what others might think of their unusual romance.

Abbie Lill, from Los Angeles, has been dating her boyfriend Elijah, 38, for five years but he isn't her only partner. The 28-year-old has also been dating her girlfriend Emily, 39, for two years and her husband J is Abbie's metamour — which means your partner's partner in the world of non-monogamy.

During their first date back in 2018, Abbie told Elijah she was bisexual and not ready to commit to a monogamous relationship with a man. He took the news well and had no issue with the exploration.

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"We set a standard from the very beginning that anything and everything is fine, as long as we talk about things together first," Abbie said. She added: "We decided that if we wanted to see other people, we would both be open to it as long as everything was on the table and there was no deception involved."

The couple's dynamic eventually changed – when two years into their relationship they moved into their first home – and met their new neighbours, Emily and J.

Abbie, who works as a barista, recalled: "We all got to know each other as friends pretty quickly, and a few months later, Emily and I went out crystal shopping together.

"That was the first time we spoke deeper, we talked about our relationships, our histories, our sexualities, our journeys of coming out as both bisexuals."

Emily soon revealed how she and her husband were also non-monogamous and had a proposition for Abbie. Abbie continued: "She brought up monogamy, I explained Elijah and I's stance, and then she admitted her feelings to me.

"She told me that she and J were non-monogamous but were also waiting for the right person. Emily very sweetly and very openly shared her heart and asked if I was interested in pursuing anything.

"Apparently I was missing her flirting attempts!" Elijah was out of town at the time but as soon as he got home, Abbie spoke to him and they agreed to giving things a go on the condition of taking it slow.

She said: "Emily and I took a couple of weeks talking more and getting to know each other more in that way, but we waited to have our first kiss or anything more until both of us and both of our partners were ready to take that step. We told each other I love you about a month in and things have just been growing and getting better every day!

Abbie added: "I didn't know a relationship could feel so secure. When Emily and I were first starting our relationship, I was surprised to feel like my love for Elijah was growing at the same time as my love for Emily.

"I've really learned deep in my soul how possible it is to love two people at once." Abbie revealed her relationship with Emily's husband is purely platonic.

She said: "Me and J get along so well. We also communicate well and that is so, so important to me. These people are my family." When it came to telling her friends and family about her new relationship dynamic, Abbie received a mixed response though.

She shared: "All of my close friends were immediately accepting and excited to meet my new girlfriend. My parents on the other hand… it was a difficult time. My grandmother passed away less than a month after coming out to my mum and that threw a huge curveball our way. No one handled the situation well."

Abbie went a couple of months without talking to her parents – and while she says their relationship is now "better", she admits it's not like it had been before. She also had to deal with opinions and comments from strangers and colleagues.

She recalled: "On my first day back at work after the quarantine, one of my old coworkers asked me what was new, so I said I have a girlfriend and am polyamorous. Then, I heard and saw a middle aged man say 'this is why I've got to get my kids out of California' how extreme!"

Abbie also hit out at trolls online who criticise her relationships. She said: "To begin with, telling people I was polyamorous was a very strange experience and I had to learn to thicken my skin if my goal is to normalise polyamory and be seen by people outside of the community.

"I get random negative comments online but that's usually the worst of it. It astounds me how people can so confidently spew vile hatred at random strangers on the internet, but hey, that's the age we live in and I'm learning to accept it."

But for the most part, she feels safe living in LA, where she can hang out in "queer-friendly spaces". When it comes to the future of their romance, Abbie's dream is to buy a house for her, Elijah, Emily, and J, so they can live their polyamorous life together.

She said: "My dream is to buy a house between all four of us with at least three bedrooms, giving each couple a room. That is the loose plan for the future, but who knows where life will take us.

"None of us want children and we all came to that decision individually. At this point we kind of check in every now and again to make sure everyone is on the same page, but I'm very confident nothing will change that."

* This article was crafted with the help of an AI tool, which speeds up Daily Star's editorial research. An editor reviewed this content before it was published. You can report any errors to [email protected]

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