It’s possible to make others warm to you using non-verbal cues. Body language expert Judi James spoke exclusively to Express.co.uk about the body language of ingratiation.
The definition of “ingratiation” is the act or process of establishing oneself in the favor or good graces of someone, especially by deliberate effort in order to influence or manipulate.
Next time you meet someone new, try Judi’s expert tips and they will likely think highly of you from the offset.
The body language expert told Express.co.uk: “The first few seconds of meeting someone are vital. It’s called the Attribution Effect when the subconscious brain sums people up very quickly, which leads to the Attribution Bias, where we try to prove ourselves right.
“So, if we look cold/unfriendly/fake/superior at first sight it can be difficult to change someone’s mind.
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“Fortunately, ingratiation rituals, i.e., things we do that make people like us are actually very simple.
“We tend to like people who like us and we warm towards people who appear genuine and interested. We also get on best with people who have some of our traits, which makes it easier to feel a connection.”
Judi emphasised the importance of making others feel listened to. Focus on this rather than trying to command the space with your own opinions and feelings.
She said: “We often think we need to be a great value entertainer to be popular but in fact it helps if you speak less and listen more. Showing you’re listening is vital.
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“Show undivided attention when someone speaks (glancing at your phone or looking round the room is a no-no) and use eye contact, nodding and subtle head tilts.”
Judi also told people to use the “important bonding tie-sign” of the eyebrow-flash, where you raise your eyebrows up and then down again quickly to show interest, approval and even amusement.
The crux of Judi’s point is that you need to make others feel special and valued. The expert explained: “Genuinely charismatic people like Clinton and Obama make the person they are meeting feel like the most important person in the room for a short space of time and the do this by showing undivided attention and interest.
“It’s called the science of sensation, i.e., it’s about how you make other people feel when they are with you.”
Judi offered some very simple tips that you can remember and implement when you next meet someone.
She said: “At some point in your conversation lean forward slightly to increase the intimacy but without getting too close for comfort.”
“Fiddling, fidgeting or using metronomic rituals like a tapping foot or leg judder will suggest distraction and disinterest.”
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